I think I won the penis lottery.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
