Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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