i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
