Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
