Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
