what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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