i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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