You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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