Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
