My nipple is on Facebook.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
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I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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