so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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