i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
