to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
