Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
