I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
