i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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