somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize