I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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