Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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