dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
