I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
