i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
