Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize