apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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