Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
