I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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