His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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