yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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