I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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