Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
