Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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