I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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