Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
