Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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