So drunk its hurt
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
