my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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