Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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