He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
