How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
