Will you blow on my dice?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
