Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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