hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
