i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
