Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
