TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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