Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
