From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
