Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
did you just send me my own nude
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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