I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
