sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
