i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize