this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
