hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
