okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
