3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize