fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
