I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
