I'm drive I can fine osifer
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
