He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
