She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
