I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
