I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
